i just bought a vibrator and the cashier says "have fun with that." i didnt realise what he said so i responded "you too." and then he gave me his number...
if it were possible I'd exchange my vagina for a diff one on the black market.
I'm buying a pregnancy test with my lunch money. Classy.
I just encountered the most annoying guy on the planet. I wanted to slap his milkshake out of his fat-boy hands while he was talking to me at the same time as slurping his liquid fat.
I love milkshakes.
Not the point.
At the wedding. Seated next to the bar. No way this ends well
The only word I understood in that whole setence was semen.
He came in, laid on our floor and started to make a snow angel.. On the floor. Then he just left never said a word. 20 mins later walked back in and dropped his pants, looked down and said "wow im happy i had boxers on."
I woke up and someone had put toast at my feet. I was SO. HAPPY.
I was fucking the girl and her best friend walked in on us. She said we looked thirsty, got us a glass of water, and poured it down both of our throats. It was like... sex bottle service
i feel like the 7 eleven by your house knows our deepest, darkest secrets
Took 45 minutes to masturbate. Fuck you Zoloft. I'm never gonna be diagnosed with depression again
we got cupcakes after we fucked. gives a whole new meaning to sugar daddy
If pulling your dick out counts as a hobby that is his.
are you drinking tonight?
I have an exam tomorrow
so yes.
I currently hiding in an upside down garbage can please come find me
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