arkansas has a gas station called kum and go....story of my life
I'll be honest, not actually surprised to find half a Big Mac box and bits of broken security glass by the sofa.
it's official, i've been high in 26 different states, and three different countries.
He made me a "booty call of the year" award.
He tried to fight me not realizing that I work as a bouncer in the the same bar we were in. His night ended with him in handcuffs, missing teeth, PLUS I got his shots that he ordered since he didn't get to drink them.
I woke up this morning to a lot of blurry photos of a swan i must have chased down the riverbank and a handbag full of loose haribo.
Someone just knocked jenga into a plate of cake. I'm licking off each piece one by one.
So... I woke up on a bench with a honey bun on my chest.
Well I can't be held accountable to know every which time you slid a finger here or slid a finger there. I'm way too busy getting close to climaxing to document these things.
We exchanged spring break stories last night. Open relationships are the best.
just woke up. hair smells like weed and bbq. shins are bruised. vague memory of us chasing deer at the park at 3 am. fill me in on what exactly happened.
the universe is starting to freak me out.. ive now had sex with 3 people who were born on the same day..
Sitting on couch, workout sex makes me more sore than regular workout
He nicknamed his dick "the fountain of youth" I think it's time to move on...
So I come home this morning to get ready for a job interview and there is garlic seasoning all over the hardwood and a knife in the wall. What. the. fuck.
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