you only like me because i go down faster than a bridge in minnesota
Sometimes I stick my finger in my own ass and pretend it’s a vagina. I think it’s kinda weird. What do you think?
Canada just beat USA, the sad part they still need us to make money so who really won
I was passed out on the couch, she literally cut my boxers off with a 8" chef's knife and had her way with me.
its likemy ribs anf my hesrt aew cuddlingn
dude I'm not 100% but I think your mom is sexting me.
You said that "grilled cheese was much to complex" and started to throw the buttered bread at the wall while eating all the cheese.
Walking down the street trying to find the pants I had on last night
Just got a blow job while taking my online quiz. How is life in the dorms treating you?
No need to talk. Eventually, he'll either stop coming over, or decide that it's a relationship.
And if not?
...I keep getting free bourbon and great sex with no expectations. You really don't understand that there is no "down side," do you?
At least I remembered to wear a bra. I feel like that's a big accomplishment right now
of all the things that should kill me, scurvy wont be one of them
If he's gonna send me dick pics; he should at least zoom in to make it look bigger.
Nooo. I was entirely happy pretending that my vagina only existed for peeing and releasing Satan's waterfall.
if anyone breaks out the olive oil & slip n slide, text me 911.
Randomize
