im going to forcibly insert an angry corn snake into his urethra
When I'm drunk i like to pretend my penis is zeus and instead of peeing i'm throwing lightning bolts into the toilet...it helps me focus.
so I think he was half asleep, but he woke me up by saying "where's my cow? Is it being shipped?" He must have been dreaming about farmville..
I feel like every car around me knows I'm driving in my snuggie
i just remembered the time you guys tried to give me an intervention because i was drunk before 5 on a monday
I'm not embarrassed about the lap dance. I'm embarrassed for the singing during.
could you please tell me why you thought vodka soaked band aids were a good idea?
Thats alot of pressure.
Just on your vagina. BTW I'm passing your house.
Fuck you asshole. You cost me cheerleader pussy.
Oh my god I would go to planned parenthood the same day I get my nipples pierced
Send me a picture of our booze closet. I'm homesick.
I woke up with her finger in my vag. Let's just say that I'm one horny inquisitive drunk.
I'm not sure if 14 year old me would be disappointed or proud that I fucked him behind her middle school??
How did i get home and why am i wearing someone elses shorts?
1. Not sure how 2. You showed up naked, we had to dress you.
my dad walked in on me peeing into the trashcan in our kitchen last night at like 2am. wtf
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