you were trying to give my penis an indian burn.
I want to punch and suck your dick at the same time. I don't think we have the healthiest of relationships.
There was a picture of him proposing on the night stand and their dog watched, but I can't help myself, his dick is just so perfect.
We just found a knife wedged in between the cushions on the couch you guys fucked on...why is this?
I didn't realize I was holding it, until I was like, "whose baby is this?"
She said I told her "I'm to drunk to take your bra off." then she said I walked out completely naked to go watch tv.
I'm going out w/ her for her b-day in a bit. I just talked to one of her drunk friends on the phone who asked if I could "handle 7 lesbian." This could be interesting.
I cut myself stripping on your car. Probably a profession I shouldn't pursue
They gave me patron and potatoes I couldn't say no
You just kept screaming "COME GET ME OFFICER, MY ALLIGATOR MEANS BUSINESS" while swinging a beanie baby alligator at him.
How does one hint at their mentee that they used to casually fuck his brother
Somehow I became in charge of getting my mother laid? This can't be my life? Lol
If a treadmill opens up I'll run next to him and then fall off so he has to give me mouth to mouth
We were sad, then we got horny, and then we needed some ranch
*tries to be fun and flirty* *literally gets peed on*
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