she called me screaming that i shouldn't ignore her phone calls, because she's not trying to get me to hang out with her and she doesn't want to be my girlfriend, she just wants sex.
what did you do?
i asked her out. that's so hot.
Probably, but last night was a special kind of drunk. It was a "let's see how drunk I can get without killing myself" drunk.
Just washed my feet between classes in the bathroom...Four girls totally judged me...
Just found out my drug dealer is also a porn star. It's a good day.
got a scholarship and a hot psych teacher. hello spring 2010
You were walking around with a baby carrier pretending your vodka was a baby. You tried to get pictures on santas lap
if that's jizz on my steering wheel i'm gonna be pissed...and impressed.
I like my landing strip. Makes me feel sophisticated.
What you did last night can never be called sophisticated. I don't care how you trim your pubes.
Yeah dude. They were so drunk they actually drank the pool water. Which I'm pretty sure will kill them. My parents chlorine the shit out of that thing cuz they know how much sex my brothers have in it
I just put my hair into this ponytail & it looks hideous & really cool at the same time. I am dedicating it to the hangover I have
Beer coozy in the gym. Don't judge me.
Drinking vodka straight out of a beer bottle because I don't want to be judged. Not my best idea and not my worst.
Wine is the only reason I'm making it in the real world
Fun fact. I just wrapped myself in wrapping paper for a sext. Is this a new high or a new low stay tuned.
Fuck you i've put so many pretzels in her shirt
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