dude i'm inner monologue high
Thanks for last night. Sorry if i was obnoxious. I respect your morals and i wouldn't want you to lose your virginity to a drunk girl in your mom's prius.
I wasn't hungover this morning. My head just hurt because someone tried to suction cup a dildo to my forehead.
its like the body should be a temple but we treat it like a kmart
He ate me out while I was wearing a tiara.... I think I could get used to this
I'm pretty sure this city writes new vice laws specifically because of us.
That's totally the Emoji for "just ran into some girl who knows I know she had an abortion"
He's getting me an energy drink and said good morning beautiful. He must sense i'm cutting him off from the sex.
Saw 2 lesbians fist fighting outside the bar tonight. I was startled yet slightly turned on
DUDE I FINGERED JOE'S MOM, PLS DONT TELL HIM, MORE LATER
Money making scheme, blow job proof mascara. Waterproof is bullshit
She said my mask was creepy, took it off with her teeth, and proceeded to bite my neck. I love vampires.
I puked on someone's floor last night and then they proceeded to ask me on a date.
omg last night while walking home from your house I stole a seatless bike and carried it into my next door neighbors kitchen.. we just looked It up online it's an antique and worth $500 dollars
Hey, um, after thinking about it, I decided I really don't want to use applying olive oil to your ass for your fissure as part of foreplay because... well... really? Just read that again.
Randomize
