matt is drinking blue powerade and it looks like he has hypothermia. i can't take this kid anywhere.
I need to take "lollipop" off of every single one of my playlists cause it makes me wanna suck dick.
I woke up with a new Tiffanys necklace on. I'm such a classy drunk.
I don't even want to talk about it, I'm traumatized. Even the dog knew to take advantage of the most intoxicated girl at the party...
FOUR LOKO IS YES. SUNDAY MORNING DRUNK IS YES.
Just so you know you don't have to worry about me picking up any guys tonight. The Hilton is hosting guests from the North American Gay Volleyball Association and the Comic Palooza
Maybe STDs were invented to keep stupid people from having kids.
Dave, I love you but you're barking up the wrong lesbian. You sir are the competition. You don't threesome with competition.
I let him do a line off my nipple in exchange for his prescription pain pills. I feel like 3/4 Vegas stripper, 1/4 underbelly of society.
I hoped the great care he put into rolling a blunt would translate to my vagina.
Worse than that. I caught my roommate jerking off to a topless stripper in gta 5.
Just put me in your contacts as coyote
all I know is id definitely throw up if you guys ever dated so if you do stay the fuck away from me
Is it bad if I look at someone i dont know and just want to punch them in the face?
I feel like I'm a car that keeps getting Bacardi 151 instead of fuel
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