why am i having a flashback about somewhere we were this weekend with music videos playing? Spike jonze brothers place?? Help me out
We were doing it doggy style, and I puked on the floor and started crying, he told me it was okay his cat would eat it... and if it would make me feel better we could do anal...
And they lived happily ever after....
Fact: The drinking you do in college doesn't affect your liver in real life.
then you put baby powder on the bottom of your feet and walked to your room so "ladies would follow the footprints"
you really dont want me to drink and drive. you saw what i did to my face and that was only from walking
You kept screaming how great you were at drawing poptarts and you insisted on drawing them all over my forearm
If I EVER wake up with two black eyes again you better come up with a better story than trying to see how many punches I could take.
Be subtle and tell lucas that he should sleep here tonight. And by subtle, i mean show him this text...
I'm wearing a real bra and real shoes. I look like a fucking lady.
New rule. No seeing movies about plane crashes after killer bong rips
Almost to work. And still feel hungover. Like my body is trying to regenerate after dying. Full on zombie shit. But like, one of those zombies from warm bodies that comes back to life slowly.
I'm eating lunchables with a glass of wine while I FaceTime the guy I lost my virginity to.
There was a comma in between her and dick. I was calling you a dick. Jesus.
You were dancing to the Bee Gees, at 3am, with a piece of ham on your head. Moral of the story, You can't drink.
Girl behind me in line at CVS was getting impatient then outta nowhere blew up shouting that if she didn't get her plan B soon she might be a mom and that if we couldn't tell she'd be a horrible mom
Randomize
