how am i supposed to spank it to a shakira video when she looks like she is doing the robot?
oh hey just found a glowstick in my tits. fuck yes new years eve
just joined the mile high club. if this plane crashes because of this text, it was worth.
how do you tell someone you stalk them in a non-creepy way
you don't.
I think i accidentally made vodka pancakes
Well he's not a stripper, so we're already doing better than my last date.
They asked if I was about to puke and my response was to laugh and suddenly throw up. Continuing my asshole streak I kept laughing while still vomiting.
this is why ugly people need low self esteem. it stops them from doing shit like this.
I hooked up with a guy dressed as Wesley from the Princess Bride. I kept telling him what I wanted him to do and all he would say was "as you wish"
I need to find out this kids work schedule. I need mustache rides on my lunchbreaks.
I feel like I'm laying on a pillow cloud. With little baby angel fingers between me and the cloud lifting me up. Singing hymns in my ear.
There was one thing about my NYC trip I forgot to tell you: I took a dump in Trump Tower
I doubt the gods of funday Sunday would exact such a high price... But it's good to know an afternoon with me is worth a left foot.
I have photo proof.
Girl, don't care. What's my rule? If I don't remember it, it never happened.
There's glitter all over his bed from my Pink VS panties... I think I might invest in similar styles as a way of marking my territory just incase.
Randomize
