Your vagina is a self cleaning oven.
I'm trying this new thing, it's called standards
We were sexting and then the radio announced robert pattinson would be playing kurt cobain in a movie and it totally killed the mood
He poured the shots. We did them together. I cheersd him out of the shower
Fine. Just this once and because its veterans day will I send you a picture of my tits. You're lucky I love this country.
Our funnel is on top of our neighbors roof.
Your roommate is pacing with a pen in his mouth flapping like a duck. That brownie got me fucked but not enough to understand this. Come back!
He does that
Sounds like it could have been the night you pulled out your love stump at the strip club.
Panda onesie. Pizza. Netflix. Wrapped up like a burrito. Screw you guys and your cute relationships THIS IS WHAT INFINITE HAPPINESS TASTES LIKE
I mean, except for the part where I was vomiting up pineapple and hot sauce, it was a really fun time.
The only way he could ever pleasure me is if he lit himself on fire and let me watch
just blew him in the library. I am a classy dame
It shouldn't be this hard to find someone who you haven't blown.
He just got home after serving 5 years in prison. And I think I may courtesy fuck him. Best Christmas present ever.
Everytime I give him head I make him rub my back. Teamwork at it's finest.
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