You know, if there were no such thing as marriage, i don't think porn would exist.
is it bad that upon arriving to my fourth sex toy party the sex toy lady instantly recognizes me?
she said shes getting her period tomorrow so she wants to have sex now. i didnt object. it would have been heartless.
ofcourse you didnt.
I'm driving up the street and can't tell if my ears are actually about to pop or not.
A solid 8.5 on the baked meter, I need to stop.
We need to put it on a rope attached to the bong, so it can't be dropped. Apparently, you need a stem safety leash.
Definitely worth waiting her kid to got to sleep when the first thing you hear once she's back is "I want you in my ass right now"
Okay I know I said I was going to quit drinking for a while but apparently pumpkin pie flavored vodka is a thing and I will not rest until I have some.
It was incredible. For as long as I live, I will gladly drop whatever I'm doing and spend a night with her face between my legs ANY time she asks.
I am decidedly straight, but I'll write it into my wedding vows if I have to.
I walked in and found you petting your fish outside the bowl, you said its fine, you do this all the Time.
So i had a lucid dream about blowing myself. This is why people love me
sex on a roof was cool and all but that superhero argument was the best part of the night hands down
Nothing to be ashamed of. I bet Oprah has sharted.
using my tits for other peoples nudes hit me up business in the making
You're supposed to discourage my sluttiness not bring me hot Colombian men
Well you’re enrolled in an Ivy League grad school and I’m currently at a 2 star holiday inn in rural PA so who is really thriving here
Randomize
