I cant believe you went over there and fucked her last night after everything you said
she invited me over to play the wii, it's not like i intended to
You KNEW her power was out...
apparently went to arby's at 2:30am banging on the windows for someone to make me a "beefy"
Wedsnesdays are always enlightening. Tonights revealation: One should not smoke from something taller than their person.
you guys are cousins why the FUCK are your pants off
i just threw up a quarter into the urinal in the bathroom at the bar. everybody else stared then cheered. that drunk
ill be fine wheb you get back. I'm gunna do real world things like washing the dishes. having to perform serious tasks brings you down.
I tell myself every day I shouldn't be friends with you
I will not be a drunk bitch. I will not be a drunk bitch. Chanting this until it's second nature.
Drinking in moderation can be fun. Drinking in moderation can be fun. Chanting this until it becomes true.
crossing my fingers that hitting golf balls off my pourch was a dream and not something that actaculy happened
No one's ever called me intergalactic cocksucker, before.
What does it say about me that I feel completely charmed right now?
I wish our county sheriff had a comment section for their mugshots.
On the bright side, only one more day until we aren't sober anymore.
Oh god he’s a clown I fucked a rodeo clown
who gets drunk at chipotle by noon and then gets kicked out? this chick.
I'm like the total package- I don't want a relationship and I have daddy issues. What more could he want?
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