Wait. When you mean sick you mean a cold sick right ? not something else.
I'm like a rollypolly, I only open my legs up when I feel safe.
Farted during a conference call.SBD. permeated the room people were gonna puke.noone could say anything or leave cus we were on the phone with clients. coworkers were outraged.how I still have a job is beyond me.
I imagine my 13 hours of sleep after my 3 day upper bender was similar to Jesus rising from the dead.
She got a digital picture frame for her birthday. FINALLY - a place for me to sneak all those penis shots I've taken with my iPhone.
Before attempting to fly away into the night you asked me to take care of your sister. I agreed.
How soon is too soon to enter the slutty phase of this breakup?
Hi future me, I saved you a big mac under the bed.
Hey..um, you dont know me, but I just found your purse in a bush at the end of my street this morning
Just to warn you I probably wont be able to do anything that involves standing up
STDs are my biggest fear, besides whales. They're so fucking big.
currently buying a pregnancy test while braless so happy november to you too
i refuse to sex anyone who doesn't get my lord of the rings references. no exceptions.
Woke up this morning with girl, I ask her for some gum. She says "there's a guest toothbrush for the boys in my bathroom". I can't decide whats worse, that she has a shack brush or that I actually used it
My girl friends dad just asked how I get so drunk and then he passed out with a bloody Mary in his hand on the couch it's 230 do you know where your parents are
Randomize
