They keep asking what you are doing. I told them to quit calling her "what."
i make up for being a shitty girlfriend by being amazing in bed.
I didnt realize we were having a competition in poor decision making skills
how else could I explain the last few years
He fucked volume into my hair. It was amazing.
Tidal wave of highness just hit. Find shelter and catnip. gloves. zebra striped car washes.
Just checked my phone. Sometime last night I googled sex positions in a tent. Was there even a tent there?
Spending my graduation money on an abortion. Welcome to the real world.
We had a 30 min conversation last night about whether or not to bone that girl with a lisp to see if she moans with one...
Just stop talking to douche bags. How do you manage to attract every asshole within a 100 mile radius?
If i could answer that i wouldn't be so afraid to move to a more populated area
There's some band that practices next door to my apartment. I'm thinking we may need to check that out. I could be like, "Hey boys, thought you might like some lemonade and vagina."
Is it considered a bad morning to find your boss half naked in the parking lot of work at 7am?
That depends, how hot is your boss?
Honestly and this might sound scary... But I want to get high and play with weapons
My legs feel like baby dolphins
I won the 'drunkest person at a family event' award tonight.
He was semi blacked out in the hallway with a bucket, calling for me while I had sex with his best friend in the very next room. Why do you let me do these things?
Randomize
