There is a stranger person in my roommates bed...
how lazy do you have to be to be a fat vegetarian?
are you looking for your table cloth? Cause I found it around my neck this morning...
The savings from $3 shots still doesn't add up to plan-b
I wish they had an "I'm Stoned" genre on online Netflix
I tried giving you a bj last night and all you could manage was "Haha that tickles" and "in the morning"
Ong my arms are moving wo my consent
He told me that if I were a guy he'd go gay for me. Honestly don't know how to take that.
Because you work where i will be drunk tonight I'm asking you. Is a shirt required on Halloween?
My worst fear almost came to light...I was choking and the cats stared at me like they had no problem eating my face if I died
We were destined to go to rehab together
I got the job! The hiring manager is the sister of a guy I slept with so its like I'm a real adult now
Do not take the D yet, he needs to be worth it. Your Vagina is GOLD.
We all love a big dick, but you’re going to develop a reputation if you keep asking every guy at the bar ‘how big your dick’
That’s all I’m saying
In the past year, I've fucked 3 Dave's and you've fucked 2 Dave's. That's a lot of Dave's in our vaginas.
We need to start a soap opera called the Dave's of Our Lives.
Randomize
