I fear hooking up with people who have white pillowcases because my guyliner always smears on it and i either have to A. sneak out in the night or B. wash it and see them again
He asked me to sit on his face, but i didnt, for 2 reasons, one, i had just pooped like 20 mins before sex, and two, this could be my future husband. so i skipped on sitting.
I hate it when I can only see straight when I close one eye. I feel like that deserts the purpose of seeing with two eyes
I don't even want to go. i just want to be a hermit and live in a cave with an elephant that pisses vodka
I have full custody of my vagina however you are granted visiting hours
This cabbie knows where I live. Both awesome and weird.
It just wouldn't be valentines day if i didn't invite 90% of the guys i've slept with to go to the strip club with me
Remind me to tell you the story of the fuzzy condom
*jedi mind trick* you want to go down on me
if people come over to pregame will you hide my Oreos
I'm so horny right now but I JUST put my fuckin lasagna in the oven
I woke up to find I still had sequins under my tits. I'd say Sunday was a success.
Making friends with the guy who had alcohol-infused whipped cream was the best decision I made all night.
I know it sounds cheesy, but i think both me and her mum know they are "thanks for being so cool about finding nudes of your daughter on the camera" flowers
..and by hang out i don't mean fucking then going back home i mean let's get something to eat & watch a movie and fuck sometime in between.
Randomize
