I feel like I just won at life, no connection sex and free 12 pack of beer after. Does life give out trophies, if so I want a big one.
sometimes i just want to live alone. my roommate keeps looking at me weird like hes never seen a girl eat plain salt before
I'm so hungover, I actually considered rolling down the stairs to avoid walking.
Sometimes I kiss girls just to make them shut up.
when we woke up the fish was dead lying next to us on the bed. wat should i tell her
Well, let's be honest here. You're dealing with gay guys... EVERYTHING has an emotional attachment.
Tequila shots with cinnamon and orange write it down before I forget
I gave him head while he watched NASCAR. My future flashed before my eyes.
If I pissed all over some chicks bed I would probably apologize for getting so wasted, not putting out, and turning into a god damn R. Kelly Cinderella... Not ask for coffee and a ride home.
I am not betting on the failure of any friend that is not you.
Next time a party gets busted lets get a group photo first.
Got with someone dressed up as Allen from the hangover so that's where I'm at in life
You came down the stairs dressed as winnie the pooh and kicking cups off the table and out of people's hands
Kids parked next to me are getting it on. I'm eating chicken nuggets listening to Kanye alone. Happy Valentine's Day.
So... Sorry we took your wife to the strip club last night... And sorry we bought her that lap dance... I think you're getting closer to your dream of a threesome, though.
Randomize
