She just sent me a picture of a heart. I need to stop fucking freshman...
This is the last time I call a hotel to see if you or some random guy paid for the room last night.
He IMed me 5 times, before my homepage even loaded. This is not gonna work out for me
I love how understanding people are when they hear we first hooked up getting high and watching nature shows
Chilling. The soap was talking at one point if I rememeber right...
I just blew my weed a kiss
I'm sitting on the floor singing Bruno mars while they cook and occasionally pet me
When you went off to sleep with that guy that looked like a dirty Jesus and I asked why all you had to say "trying to keep Christ in Christmas" and left. The Vatican called, you're going to Hell.
You're right, I'd say my real all time low was when I let that fifteen-year-old feel my boob.
My bail money is reserved for people I either A, think were in the right, or B, have an awesome story that leads up to needing it. Just remember that before you call me.
What have I told you about trying to use Jesus as your wingman?!
Please come over. It's a pajama and burn-2016-in-effigy party
He looks like a Mormon from a lifetime movie. Oddly I wanna give him a hand job
I wish I could be the kind of drunk Bobbi is... She stumbles around outside at 4am with a broken high heel and babbling about rainbows and getting dick...
It was probably bad to sleep with someone just to pet his dog right?
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