I have the sudden urge to buy a Snuggie and wear it to the grocery store.
I told him it tasted like his mom..needless to say we were asked to leave.
Im telling you now. Hang out with winning football players and you get whatever the hell you want. Sorry to wake you. But its important knowledge.
I thought pig tail meant you were suppose to grab on to it when getting BJ
So i've def seen the girl running for student body VP getting fingered in a bar.
i'm so sad bro, I can't get any pussy. I'm so sad
Saturday dinner is funfetti cake and merlot. Singlehood has come to this.
Don't make this awkward for me. Don't let your mom come near the bathroom. I can't meet your mom for the first time while I'm shitting. Dont make this awkward.
drunk caitlyn doesn't know how to work gmail. so know an email has been sent to the entire campus with a picture of me naked eating a bagel attached.
I stood on the corner waiting to be picked up, dry heaving, and trying to block out the sun.
So he came on my stomach this morning and I totally forgot about it until after you poured that body shot.
Yeah but if you conceived a child on a park slide that would be pretty awesome
I'm going to have to include Angry Orchard in my thesis acknowledgements
I'd like to thank Vicodin for getting me through family thanksgiving once again.
Unless it has to do with ramen, goldfish, cheese, or rugby, don't talk to me.
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