You know, if there were no such thing as marriage, i don't think porn would exist.
Dude just fell down the stars trying to leave class early, the prof just looks down at him and says"thats what you get"
you thought you were invisible so you started narrating your actions.
I want a vodka facial right about now. I'm talking about straight vodka bukkake
I've never felt so epic in my entire life as I do right now, my bare testicles staring down the ocean itself
if i'm ever face-down on the ground puking again, promise me you won't try to braid my hair?
I woke up this morning and the lid to the back of my toilet was missing. Dahfaq do I do with this shit?
We turned on "find my friends" and watched her progress. Got concerned when she didn't move for an hour on Adelaide, turned out a booty call was made, then she went back to the bars.
You should be able to leave recommendations on Tinder.
WTF I can't even get a boyfriend here and you're getting nudes from across the country
There it is. Caramel-coated dick. Someone is getting a yeast infection later.
He plays guitar, sings like an angel, and acts like a gentleman. If I don't fuck him by the end of first semester, I'm dropping out
Can I get high for this class every tuesday? Its like a multi-sensory carnival acid trip.
Totally reading about penis envy for my final exam
He was like "why do you look so cute today?" and I said "I showered" and he laughed. I wasn't making a joke
Randomize
