I just walked through a room full of deaf people and farted i love deaf people
I had new employee orientation at the YMCA today. I showed up with a hangover, a black eye, scratches down my arm, and a sore throat from puking gin and keystone.
You realize if you die tommorow, the last memory i'll ever have of you is your ballsack on skype
he was walking around the bar drinking wild turkey and gobbling simultaneously
he even offered to make my bed in the morning.
yesterday, he said he didn't trust me around his daughter because "if she was wrapped in rolling paper u'd smoke her." yup.
We need somewhere to take these girls. Otherwise it's a orgy in the Mazda.
i can't understand anything he's saying. But he spells alcohol right everytime so i deciphered it.
You can drink as much as you want but it's not gunna make her forehead any smaller
I was hoping it might at least fix her teeth
Haha at least the one I have like that you can't tell we are completely drunk and you're about to kick a glass out of my hand in a fit of joy over pizza.
Before we rave about the healing powers of your penis, remember it nearly killed me as well.
Wrong. I really wanted to see the movie. And she was on top of me like she was riding a mechanical bull. Who am I to complain? I live to serve.
Let's drink lean at the 5 seconds of summer concert. Give the teens a glimpse into their future as dysfunctional adults holding desperately onto their youth. You in?
RAAAAAAAAWWWWRRRRRR
THATS ME HOWLING MY ENJOYMENT OF THE THINGS WE CAN DO WHILE GETTING DRUNK
Abby there's no shame in reading porn. It takes more work than watching I suppose
Randomize
