Why do all fat girls have "that smell"?
The smiley face on that pregnancy test is so damn taunting. It's like it's laughing at me for my poor choices.
I just added 'steal mom's xanax' to my to do list for when I go home for Easter.
How fortunate humanity is that it need not rely on the female orgasm for procreation
I'm listening to bach and watching porn,is that a sign of depression?
Quite the contrary. Sophistication.
don't forget friday is see who can get the most free drinks at the gay bar contest. winner gets $50
Close your eyes and stop texting and think about puppies. You'll be fine.
I need to stop getting so excited when a guy unzips his pants and its bigger than my boyfriends. I look like a kid in a candy store.
Malt liquor mondays...better in theory.
dude throwing a golf cart off a pier is harder than it seems!
I was just laughing and almost crying after I orgasmed, and then almost crying because I was laughing so hard. That's new.
Does he think you're psycho?
Officially...... yes.
Come in your red robin gear. If you smell like French fries we can make love.
Would I be crazy if I drove 1,000 miles for some dick? What mile does it become ridiculous?
A toast to whoever set this year's daylight savings fallback to the day after halloween, granting us another hour to detox before we pretend to be functional adults. Clearly, a partier with forethought and clear priorities. Cheers!
I woke up this morning cradling my vibrator like it was a baby
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