You are an awful beat friend I am goin to die in a car accident and then my corpse is going to be used by criminals ala weekend at bernies to rob a bank then my corpse will go to jail Thanks john Thanks for nuthin
so just incase I die tonight I'm making a list of people that I don't want to be let in to my funeral
just had to take a 4 hour nap to write a one page paper. its obviously the week after winter break.
His hands were made for my vagina.
He;s fine. He just kept saying "hurricane Gordon is coming to shore" and flexed his muscles a lot.
After he was done he gave me a case of landshark and tickets to tomorrows yankee game. This is the best nonrelationship ever
Hey when you wake up and read this, we really need to stop pullin our dicks out when we drink dude. I have all the pics, yall are assholes
dude, my ass and shoulder hurt from that kayak last night... note to self: wood planks holding kayak from ceiling do not also hold up a human being
Oh by the way, john gave me your shirt to return to you when I was at work today. I almost gave him his girlfriends underwear to return to her but figured it would be inappropriate.
He blacked out at the first bar and passed out at the second...we just carried him to bar three and four and sat him in the lounge chairs, he said we're amazing
Ok cuz s'mores night just turned into pina colada after noon and it will be mas fun
Fuck yeah GAYNESS
*explodes into glitter*
My boobs keep hanging out of this shirt. I think thats the style I'm going for tonight
I’m home. Please don’t call me unless you have an arterial bleed or you’re on fire. Love you 😘
I basically spent the entire weekend in bed with that red head.Every time I tried to leave she got me too horny to think straight. I was kidnapped by vagina
Randomize
