hot pretzels for dinner, snacks, and now breakfast...oh to be a poor college student...everyday is like a carnival.
I had a dream last night, there was a gumball machine that was filled with Oxycontin. I would try to get some but got vitamins instead. I was so frustrated!! woke up angry.
Cute you're picking friends over dick. I feel like this is the trailer for a lifetime movie.
He's basically like a fancy dildo that buys me dinner.
I saw he had me in his phone as "the fat twin"
i cannot be the only guy who has bought the every day with rachael ray magazine for use as porn
The last thing I remember is teaching our waffle house waitress to do the stanky leg and promising the grill cook we would come see him at his other job.
There was definitely a significant amount of cookie dough in my bra
WAIT DID YOU MAIL ME A KITTEN
All I know is I was dancing to Shakira in his alley and I think rubbing my junk on his car door.
In my drunk state I was like I ONLY HAD SEX WITH SOMEONE ELSE BECAUSE HE WAS THE HOTTEST GUY IVE EVER EVEN SEEN
Dude get here. I just re-invented nachos. For real though. They werent real before right now
Sometimes you have a glimmer of a heart and then I immediately remember you are dead inside.
Can I make sure all my sluttiness goes to you when I die? You're the only person I know who'll make use of it
From now on he's gonna have to shave first. It feels like I got eaten out by a chainsaw!
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