I think she gave up trying 2 land a bf and let herself go
You misogynist thinking that every girl wants a bf
They do. I don't appreciate u using big words idk and im gonna take offense
I just saw a pregnant woman with a cigarette and a beer walking into the Larry the Cable Guy show. I'm glad my taxes are paying her medical expenses.
we took turns throwing up in the kitchen sink last night...no i am not doing the dishes
If this herpes test comes back negative I'm asking out the doctor.
Remember when I booked a hotel room for next sat? Nneither do I.
What a great world we live in when USPS can tell you that your drugs have been delivered.
The fool I made of myself at the Ugly Christmas Sweater party last night was surpassed this morning when I walk of shamed 6 miles at 7am with one mysterious wet leg and no pants on. I think my mom saw me and waved.
You take your time. Wallowing in last nights filth is the best way to get over a hangover
I'm that hungover student in class ... On a wednesday morning
Omg I think I'm in the wrong class
At leat we can cross off 'having sex in a classroom' on our bucket list.
I walked into the bathroom and there's this 6'5" cop washing his hands. He looks at me and goes, "Heard you singing outside. Sound real pretty."
No more tequila EVER.
Well in other news, my nipples are healing pretty well but next time I get drunk and decide to pierce something please for the love of god stop me!
She started calling me daddy on the second date and I don't know how to react to that
She's so high she just screamed into the pile of takeout boxes "which one of you gave me diarrhea"
Are you drunk already?
Not already - at LAST.
Randomize
