i found a roscoes card in my pocket that says 'fuck me bare fo $15.20'. Wow
i deep throated a ruler to see what my limit was...
He didnt have condoms & didnt trust himself to pull out. Thats when I knew he was a keeper. So I blew him so he knew I was a keeper too.
True romance of the 21st century.
after giving each other head, we had a really nice post-oral heart to heart. found out he lost his virginity in a threesome.
you were wandering around the street for like an hour singing "nothing but socks on"..an original you wrote after the 12th shot i believe
Why am I the only one concerned that there's a dog in the movie theatre?
i will trade you pizza and a blowjob for a fifth of vodka.
do i get to eat the pizza while you give me the blowjob?
Travis is back on this booty and burgers thing. If I'm his delivery service for food he better fuck me how I want.
So my dealer asked me if I wanted to join his circle because we smoked so much this summer he thinks we're dealing
Tell her this is the Disneyland of penises.It's a magical place everyone should visit once in their life.
I just wish I had a snapshot of his attempted front flip off the bar. There are some things that are worth getting a life ban for, and the moment of impact with his foot and that lady's face was one of those things.
So TMI but just realizing I have not masturbated since trump took office. He's sucked the sex drive out of me.
Well 1) stay calm 2) stay safe 3) drink more
So what we learned was that it doesn't matter how skinny the stripper is, if she sits on your knee with a torn acl for two hours it's going to swell up
There’s a child, alone, sitting on a picnic table out there, making bird noises
Randomize
