He is fucking rediculously sexy. DO HIM NOW. NOW. NOW. NOW.
Woke up this morning to a janitor hitting me in the head with his bucket in the hallway of my building. An alumni was next to me because we locked ourselves out of my room and couldn't figure out where my roommates were.
the beds are so narrow its like a jenga threesome
So I accidentally txted this girl with the same name as the one im seeing, as it turns out shes still dtf
he was screaming in a recently acquired accent that he paid for delivery and they could cancel the entire order if they didn't come upstairs
I thought you said it was going to get worse not hilarious.
the delivery boy turned out to be my students mother. now she knows that i have incredibly low standards AND thanks to the fact that he still has dialup the pizza tracker was way off and she rang the bell and he answered mid bong rip.
i'm trying to figure out what goes best with beef ramen. a 2007 merlot or a 2008 pinot noir? i'm leaning toward the pinot noir.
All I can remember is posting my chicken burger in the post box. Postman is in for a treat.
No, absolutely not. If you see that cunt, throw confetti or eggs at her.
That's a pretty extreme jump from confetti to eggs
Andy was trying to screw his door shut from the inside so no one could get in.
Oddly enough I feel totally fine now. Clonazapam and red bull the breakfast of champions.
Well.. If you trust a test that only costs a dollar, I'm not pregnant
We need to get Harry and Lloyd's tuxedos from Dumb and Dumber. I feel like this is a vital thing that is missing from our lives.
Woke up on my sisters couch, and it was like the start of a Terminator movie,my brother in law was passed out on the floor naked in the fetal position. We now call him Arnold. It was an epic night.
One of the Mormon boys that comes to the door is really sexy and I always think 'I would absolutely destroy your faith'
thanks for supporting my whoreish tendencies
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