my mkouth tastes houw teh zoo smelllls
And my dad told him he was a great looking guy. and then added "no homo" after.
It was laundry day and I was wearing last xmas undies. he took one look and went...you's a ho, ho, ho. my response you ask? for less dough, dough, dough. I'm a slut.
with a sacreligious after taste.
so they made cookies with their faces printed on them...I ate jaime...she tasted like poop
This may sound mean but have u ever just sat in class and look at some of the the people and think how disappointed their parents must be
My mom asked me to donate my child hood stuffed animals to the poor then I realized I was hiding liquor behind them. I told her I was too attached to them. She understood. Wrong in so many ways.
I just puked while everyone was releasing balloons. Im to hungover for this memoial service. Rest in peace great gramps.
The online application for Mcdonald's said I could do incredible things there. Today I threw out shit filled underwear in the women's restroom and escorted a very drunk/high 42 year old man outside after he ordered a 5 dollar foot long and a bloody mary.
if i'm ever face-down on the ground puking again, promise me you won't try to braid my hair?
No, no. The rest of his everything inspires me to put his dick in my mouth
The air was thick with penises
Mom told me you snuck booze into a concert in a cheez its box...I have never been prouder to be related to you
Hopefully they won't bring up last year's Christmas party. I kind of predicted my great aunt's death...
Someone left a middle school yearbook here. I recognized one kid from banging his mom last year.
We turned his nipples into a drinking game.
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