I'm not looking forward to the waking up early part. Or actually the wedding part. Or the reception part. But I am looking forward to the meaningless sex with some random guy I meet at the reception part.
Pretty sure somebody just said 'I used to have a nipple'
that's awkward
I like waking up with a slight hangover cause I'm dehydrated and it makes me feel thinner.
is this the sara with the beer cane?
I just peed next to my dog in the yard. Unparalleled forms of bonding going on over here.
It's like I paid NJ Transit $33 to suck his dick and go home. Fuck that.
it's a gatorade, cheez its, and regret kind of morning....
I was so stoned on the way to work, I pretended you were in the car with me. We sang "Mrs. Jackson" by outkast.
Im thinking about quitting weed for my dog
Snorting lines of xanex off the back of my grandparents toilet before church. Thinking of u.
A total of 95 cents was stuck to my ass the next morning.
You decided that walking wasn't in the cards for you anymore
EX BOYFRIEND'S TWINS WERE BORN TODAY. THIS CALLS FOR A MARG.
She gave me a job then fed me cheesecake in bed. She's a keeper!
Woke up next to a slice if pizza. From what i can tell I tried to plug it into my phone charger. No more blackout wednesdays for this girl.
Randomize
