I told a kindergarten student that candy canes are bones of reject elves.
you know what sucks? talking to chicks you dont want to have sex with
Nights like last night are what makes cleaning up the vomit in the morning worth it
just saw a guy throwing up in the urinal at Dennys. Either he had one hell of last night or we are going to eat somewhere else
I can't wait until next week, when I find out what drunk me added to the Netflix queue.
So I'm up to masturbating three times a day, drunk textin my ex, not doing any hw and I've failed half of my tests so far
Sounds better than last semester
Yeah I think we tried to use the shower curtain as a parachute because its tied to my backpack with some string. Dont know if anyone actually attempted it though.
What can I say, we hook up during the holidays.. We're a seasonal couple
Don't use the things I tell you while drunk after the bruins won the cup against me
Matt says that there are strip club auditions in our living room and he'd like you to audition.
just woke up under a car ? That's odd
Holy fucking shit
WAIT BUT IM WEARING A BACKPACK THAT MAGICALLY HAS 30 BEERS IN IT
ok now I feel liek a very drunk human instead of a chaos being thanks water
I downloaded the presidential playlists for offline listening. And Obama made a night one so we have presidential approved fuck jamzzzzz. Thanks Obama!
Is it a bad thing when vodka doesn't taste like vodka anymore?
I don't think there's a ladylike way to tell this guy I want to sit on his face
Randomize
