a commercial for my antidepressant came on and they said you shouldn't take if if you drink right as i took a shot
god is laughing at you again
He got punched in the face, dropped his laptop down a flight of stairs, and broke his roommate's lava lamp, getting all the toxic lava goo everywhere. This is why we don't let him get drunk. And yet here we are.
You played "let it burn" by usher 28 times, knocked over the 36 gallon fish tank, and passed out in the kitchen. Yeah...That drunk.
It was fine until he came back to my place, grabbed a beer, HIGH-FIVED me, and left.
I am honored my friend, to hold the decision of what enters your body
I know he is still a student. I am not asking if his being an underwear model makes it more ethical, just less prosocutable.
You told me that they girl who was giving you a handjob under the table looked a little like your sister
I just spent 5 minutes saying how beautiful you are and you come back with dont get fat cause you have weird nipples.
Was banging my ex last night when his roommate walked in... We kept going. #goaheadandwatch
I think the highlight of my night is when I was eating a mayonnaise sandwich. drunk me was on point.
And then before we had sex he was quoting space jam to me
I will go to bed dreaming of sexy Olympians carting me on a throne to the beach where they feed me pizza and champaign and massage my head/wash it like the hair dresser does.
Is it bad if I look at someone i dont know and just want to punch them in the face?
Have u seen my vagina and my gorilla costume? Im in need of it.
Sorry didnt text you yesterday. had to put restraining order on my ex.
Randomize
