i finally understand why guys leave in the middle of the night.......they got it right
I think I'm going to die by hangover. I'm in my spanish class. So I guess I'm going to be muerte.
I just spent the past twenty minutes checking out a girl who turned out to be a mannequin. I need AA.
i recognized the place by the puke stain i left on the pool table when i hooked up with his roommate.
I just peeled a layer of cum off my eyelid. Don't even tell me that's not why you came over
so... the fat chick just walked over, shook my hand, then introduced herself as "versatile". shoot me now.
I'm hiding her cosmo magazine. the only sex tip she needs is to not handcuff her boyfriend to her roommates bed and lose the key
How could you give up sex for lent? I gave up religion for lent years ago and never looked back. Or give up civility, not sex.
Either I'm paranoid or I swear my parents rigged my house so you can never sneak in or have the munchies without being loud.
Yeah I'm at work. Nothing like the threat of blowing chunks on passing cars to make you feel alive.
I only drink at bars with bathrooms big enough to have sex in.
Not sure but if it exists I will find it and I will fill my face with it
That's when I realized I was probably naked in the wrong bed
Just ate 2 pieces of pizza in the shower.. New low or fuckin brilliant??
be the chaos you wish to see in the world...
i'm trying to figure out how to respond to that in text
Randomize
