I can't belive they dont sell booze Sunday mornings. I mean some of us have to work
I had to hold off a girl who was trying to check your pulse while you were passed out. She kept screaming that she was a nursing major and needed to make sure you were alive.
She's a squirter....that makes up for lots of other annoying things
Were you really trying to feed me potato chips while I was sitting on the toilet?
well let's see. after you forcefully shoved a half-eaten apple in my mouth, you ruined the pepsi by dumping an entire beer in there.
We need more drag queens in our life I've decided
In the mean time, I'll continue to kick ass at running and become a successful stripper while he might hook up with one average looking girl he met at a club. I so win.
he has to serve us drink and appetizers in his french maid costume for the Pirates game tonight. Bring everyone.
i don't know if this is a cannibal joke or a sexual innuendo, and i think that's a beautiful description of our relationship.
I just walked out topless, stared his brother straight in the eye, and ate all the rest of their cookie dough.
I just moved my 11am hair appointment to 8am so I could blackout at noon. Who am I?
It's only just- an eye for an eye, a tooth for a tooth, a nude for a nude
Pretty sure the delivery guy saw me taking a shit this morning
Full body rubs, head scratches, foot rubs, massages, a penis that is able to get hard whenever you want it. I mean ive got a lot to offer
Why is there an inflatable flamingo in the backseat of my car?
Randomize
