so now that im really awake i see that my underwear are completely ripped down the side, my shorts are on backwards, i have to go get plan b....i call last night an epic fail or success depending on how catholic i am feeling
she was so hammered she started drinking dishwasher detergent
I dont know whats funnier - that, or that we learned that poison control is closed at 2 AM
he opened up his "box of magic": a crusty tube of KY jelly, three expired condoms, a fingertip vibrater, and a jar of marshmallow fluff.
I got a job at a micro-brewery. Now who made the bigger mistake, them or me?
I didn't know how to tell her I was too busy getting stoned and making a baked potato to meet up and finish our group project.
He compared my vagina to the first time he tried cocaine
I really want to know why half of my kitchen floor is missing.
I am nonfunctional stoned. I had to ask ben to put me somewhere away from all the people I'm sitting on someones bed watching a wall. Not alright. Should not have come.
I am going to dream of scrotums tonight, I just know it.
IM DRINK YORE HIFH WE ARE POSTERCHOLD OF AMERICA
I will not be held responsible for my vagina's poor judgment.
And the prospective student I was showing around had to take care of me.
Woke up on a lawn chair hugging a bottle of vodka. Hows your morning so far?
How ya feelin sunshine?
Like a million dollars! ... That has been hit by a bus, drowned under water and beat repeatedly by a shovel.
My dad accidentally texted me asking if I had weed...
Maybe you should say yes, and you guys can like bond or something...
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