There's a show on the Discovery Channel about T-Rex sex. I think this just made my life.
I seriously think I have a tan line on my stomach from getting a boner while in the taning bed.
Just woke up. My philosophy paper is a play, and my paper for musical theater is about physics. That's some dank shit you sold me
Dude, dont worry about the lamb fetus in the fridge.
What?
Just dont open the beer drawer.
She tried to kill herself by taking a whole packet of panadol. I mean HELLO THAT'S ME EVERY SUNDAY MORNING.
He said female orgasms are a myth and refuses to even try to give me one.
I'll reiterate. Best drinking game ever. I shall teach it to my children's children
...I think i just fell in love with a random undergrad at first glance. He was the awkward young adult version of captain hook. Dear god i need to get off this campus.
And it was in that moment when I realized that these high schoolers looked up to me and that I should set a good example. So I stole a casserole and left.
He says we're "annoying" but that's an odd word to describe a couple of heroic liquor saiyans
I had a dream last night that I met Diplo. Now I'm just sad
I swear every time I see him he's either dancing or trying to touch people
It looked like Halloween in bed... BECAUSE HE BIT MY PUSSY AND I BLED ALL OVER THE FUCKING PLACE. THEN HE FELL AND BROKE HIS TOE. AND THEN PASSED OUT WHEN HE SAW ALL OF THE BLOOD.
my life is like one bad, slutty lifetime movie.
Just because my bed is easier to get to doesn't mean it's okay to fuck in.
Randomize
