First thing I heard on the radio when I got in the car: "humans and dinosaurs used to live happily together"... I need to stop listening to Christian radio...
Can we progress our friendship to a point where i'm at least granted a blowjob allowance?
and ill be dreaming of you. not in a creepy way, but in an inappropriate way
I'm sorry. Both for you two breaking up and because I just ate some of your cheez it's.
Their was just 7 people standing outside eating a costco chicken, definitley at the right party
Just found a wrench in the washing machine. Sooo not doing your laundry anymore.
Apparently you need a permit for a flamethrower.
What's a quick way to get over an ex-boyfriend? To hear about how he threw up in a cup and then drank it. That's how.
I can't tell you what you just drank, that would ruin the point of Mystery Monday.
Im playing the how drunk can i get before my card declines game. being single sucks. But getting drunk after work alone in fridays on a wenesday night sucks way more.
He made me keep his swollen nut cold with frozen bags of peas while rubbing his tummy because he said I had no choice.
I asked him why he was eating an entire can of refried beans, the only answer I got was "revenge"
When he pulled it out last night I asked if that was as hard as it was going to get. I think I may have offended him.
You don't know bruises until you've been banged by 3 drunk bagpipers in the back of thier bus
Just saw a car towing a guy on skis drive by so that’s how Syracuse is doing today.
Randomize
