I thought smoking would make her look better, but all it did was enlighten me to her snaggletooth
Sounds like a blessing in disguise
I un-blacked out around 7am watching J.lo videos on youtube
if i hurry i can finally have sex while stoned off my ass
godspeed.
Her parents came home early, i had to hug her mom with a condom on...
Fuck Spring. The birds chirping at 4am make me feel unnatural for still being up and drunk.
I didnt shave my beard last night, so I could feel it while Im shrooming today
Are we responsible for the snowmen doing it doggy-style in my front yard?
Adderal just makes me love life. I want to do so much. I just can't stop thinking about all the wonderful opportunities we have and how lucky we are and I want to make a difference in the world. I just have to reign in my brain and convince it that changing the world starts with a college degree, which depends on studying for these finals.
trust me, you don't know shame until you're in a peacock costume getting CPR by random dudes
I'm wearing a suit and have no chance of getting laid or robing a casino. I consider this opportunity a failure
I told him if he ever gets a "wink" text from me after 10:00pm to assume I really mean "we should be hooking up by 2:30am"
I've just had two stress filled days in a row , I'm just going to shower and await your penis
Are you sexting with minion stickers right now?
The smoothie place is closed, but the liquor store is open and wine is kinda like a smoothie.
I JUST HAD TO SNORT THE REST OF MY BAG OF COKE BECAUSE THE BAG RIPPED IN THE WORK BATHROOM.
I'm guessing you feel amazing due to all the caps?
LETS GET THIS SHIT DONE. IM GONNA GET THIS SHIT DONE, FOREVER.
Randomize
