We should steal a little kid and go to Chucke Cheese
If my body was a temple, I pissed all over the front stairs last night..
If we ever start off with margaritas for breakfast and end up naked covered in olive oil...I could think of worse ways to spend a day.
we probably should not get naked in my neighbor's garage again. just sayin
There's gotta be a lawn gnome full ecstasy around here somewhere. And by golly I will find it
Who was the girl that woke me up at 4am to tell me "there's an emergency, we need you to come smoke weed"
how did operation slutty penguin go?
pretty epic. there was a guy who was also dressed as a penguin. i asked him if he would keep my eggs warm while i went fishing for the winter
So our annual Dick Trip has been tentatively scheduled for the week of July 1 - 5. This years theme is "Fucking for Freedom".
My girl came home. i was jacking off on the couch and she just starts telling me about her day, as if im not half naked with my hand on my cock.
Who gives a hand job to a 19 yr old one night then the next lets a 31 year old random man fly a plane to town and pick u up and take u to dinner?
Bring me your tired, your weary, your buffalo chicken dip
i had fun fun last night, with the exception of you running over my foot with your car. makes a great story for my first one night stand.
Im so fucked up I'm drinking baileys and coffee just to stay awake.
It's 6 in the afternoon?
he called her and asked for me. he wants to do dinner and a movie
her booty call wants to take you to dinner?
First night in my new place, I had to get drunk to get used to the idea of shitting in a new toilet
Randomize
