You don't have asthma, your pregnant
just met our mailman at a party, he asked me out. i said yes, but only if he picks me up in the mail truck. how jealous are you
First thing I heard on the radio when I got in the car: "humans and dinosaurs used to live happily together"... I need to stop listening to Christian radio...
You left half a beer on someones car and claimed it was a second day of hanakuh gift
I was cleaning up my drunken mess and I found my ID in a cereal box
I only want to make out with him. Unless I get hungry. In that case I will take him home and screw him as a distraction from eating.
I just threw up on the floor. And we're gonna fuck on the beer pong table, so keep everyone upstairs.
her spring break bucket list included "break into The Swamp, blow him where Tebow has Tebowed"
Don't even start with me. You know damn well if you walked into a bathroom with two girls naked in the shower you would stay too. Regardless how drunk I was or whether or not you were my ride.
I'm too old for chlamydia. That's for 20 year olds who go to clubs and do drugs I've never heard of.
Doing laundry. My jeans from last night smell like chicken wings and motor oil.
Well, if worst comes to worst, I have pictures of his penis that I can put on the internet
Dry heaving on campus is my new low. Also, go pats
Life goal: sit on his perfect beautiful David Archuleta-lookalike face
Good news! Blood’s flowing!
Randomize
