wanna go halves on a baby?
I think the universe is against us being together. Or maybe it's just god's way of telling me there is a bigger dick out there for me.
when i'm not drinking i'm making facebook events about drinking
i just threw up in front of the washington monument. such a scenic puke.
the dr. explained that the first big patch is called a herald patch since it's biggest. So his name is Harold the Patch.
Wow. You named your rash.
Someone said we're out of ice. You collapsed on the spot and started sobbing, saying 'but where will all the polar bears live". That drunk.
Robbie told me you spent 10 mins discussing the curl in his hair and that you said "with that curl in your hair, you'll go far"
I just want to make mistakes. Like stds that go away with antibiotics mistakes.
Sorry but i am wayy to hungover to take mom to her AA meeting.
Wont she be proud, Hailey.
I seriously want to say to him "Do you know how many blow jobs you could have gotten this summer?"
Can I just lay in bed and you pour vodka through a funnel in my mouth?
But if you move out who will get drunk with me on the roof and yell at boys?!?
So about that you can bill me for the chair but it was David's idea to jump from the window sill into the washer with "clothing pillows of cloudiness" to land on to get ahold of him you have to phone his mother
I just talked to her she really hates you like a lot
How dare sober me try to tell drunk me I can't eat the applesauce in the fridge! Stingy bitch IM EATING THE APPLESAUCE! you can tell sober me I said that.
He said it was the classiest hand job he ever had because my nails were painted red. We need to go to nicer bars from now on.
Randomize