you used to get mad at me for mentioning 'unprotected sex' and happenings in my bed
well yeah, but then i realized the wisdom of your ways.
we were making out and he got up to change his pants. I wonder what would happen if i took my shirt off.
I'm buying a chandelier at walmart. WHO'S CLASSY NOW, BITCHES.
You were absolutely insistent that the entire bar knew that it was peanut butter jelly time
We're sending your burrito through the mail slot.
he said i ruined lesbian porn for him
After the concert, I paid a cab to drive me around the city so I could shout "dc highfive!" at everyone who passed for an hour and a half.
Omg you had literally better be on fire, drowning, and being crucified all at the same time to be calling me at 7:30 in the goddamn morning.
He looks like he got hit by a weed-eater with chlamydia
Obviously you've never slept with someone who was deliverance level inbred.
I knew it would be a shit show so I just went ahead and took plan b before I even got there. How's that for responsible?
God gave me a talent besides one night stands. I feel like I should use it
If you wake up with half a an eyebrow.... I'm pretty sure it was a good time.
the teacher told me he was disappointed and when I asked why he just shook his head. remember that kid that caught us having sex behind the school? pretty sure that was his son.
Tell her that we understand the angle wasn't the best on the first video and that we forgive her.
Randomize
