Dude i just want you to know that when i found you half your mustache was already gone. I didn't do it.
I just ate nachos topless with a fork. Live with meeee
He drives a BMW. I have to fuck him. Girl Code Rule #26.
Chicken strips. I got my nose broken because of Chicken strips.
so apparently going to a christian rock concert dressed as Jesus is horribly inappropriate.
She told me she gets scared easily and that I had to protect her. Then I made a condom joke that ended up making her cry... All bad dude
So the contents found in my winter coats this year: coat 1, condom and 10$. Coat 2, condom and 75$ check. Coat 3, 2.05$ and a sunflower seed.
Obviously coat 3 had the best time since you used the condom and all of the money
you should probably know that there's a naked dude in your window
i wouldn't normally say anything but you seem to not be there
Just to be clear, the only reason you're allowed to scream "COCKTAIL SERVANT" at bartenders is because you have nice tits
The guy at the bar repeatedly told us he was an off duty cop from out of town, that to normal people would be the time where you stop asking him to smoke a blunt with us
Why is there uncooked bacon under my bed?
You insisted on taking it to bed with you. You grabbed it out of the fridge while mumbling "If I leave this out, you fuckers are just going to ruin it."
Is it considered a bad morning to find your boss half naked in the parking lot of work at 7am?
That depends, how hot is your boss?
He keeps bees of course he's weird
whatcha doing?
lying in bed pretending to be a slug
Can u pick up some lemons on the way? I have Tequila and a sore throat..I need them for both
Randomize
