When she said "surprise me" I'm positive she didn't mean "bang my roommate"
Prob not but she was surprised
Well I think that's a good thing that I'm not full of someone else.
No, a stripper letting you buy her dinner is not the same as a girlfriend.
Is it just me or did a policeman park your car last night?
You screamed at all of us and then showed us your sack. You're like the boyfriend of my dreams.
We officially wrote our house rules 1. We do not waste alcohol 2. Pinky promises mean something 3. Don't leave your facebook open, and if you do, don't complain 4. Never refuse cuddle or catch phrase
No worries. It'll grow back. I mean, hey, my eyebrows grew back after he shaved them off. So it's all good.
Whatever, I used my iphone to send an Escalade to pick up a booty call last week. For free. It is futuristic as fuck out here.
Well his ex just grabbed his dick and told him yep Ill call u later
New game I thought of while bored on the train. Anytime I get a text from an ex, I will randomly text a different ex. It's like a less charitable version of pay it forward.
I'm gone to the point of literally hugging trees, partially for support, but also because I like them.
His life is a porno. He snapped me while banging a girl in the back of the ambulance.
Never in my life did I think i would give a blow job in the bathroom of my old elementary school. Twice.
What's rude is him not accepting my blowjob offer. What kind of guy denies that.
I just thought I should tell you that I always know what you are doing. Everywhere. Every time. -Your loving Mother
Randomize
