Someone told me they could tell we were from cincinnati because we say "as fuck" after adjectives
i saved all my weight watcher points for this alcohol
Honestly, where the fuck is osama bin laden?
but the good news is i woke up with 15 dollars in my pocket so i probably sold my phone instead of puking on it
OMG stoned with flashing lights behind me, I was freaking out until I realized I wasn't driving my couch
i have this gut feeling friday is going to be interesting.\nAnd by interesting I mean I feel like im going to get punched in the face by his girlfriend.
Some girl, somewhere, is going to wake up with my face paint on her vagina
Getting up is taking longer than anticipated. Alcoholic fish bowls have made getting out of bed a multitstep process.
Apparently I've been blackout drunk doing abstract algebra on the floor
I don't deserve a penis
Side note. I love it when I think I've sobered up and then I get a second wind of drunk
My brother didnt wanna sleep with her because she was my friend. Did I miss the memo where we're not supposed to be fucking each others friends? Oh well too late.
note to self: do not snort crushed up caffeine pills in the bathroom by yourself when ur super shit faced, ur face will fucking hate you in the morning.
You get 5 min
Your time limits don't scare me, I'll include foreplay and redressing in that 5 min. If you wanted to challenge me you should say you got an hour, id be scared then and more creative.
So here's a brief summary of my weekend: last night I drank four glasses of Death Punch, grabbed the toaster, said "This is mine", put it in my pants and walked out the front door.
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