Let's just say there is a bloody hand print above my bed and it's not mine. Literally.
well when i got there she was attempting to stick the cat in her mouth.. so maybe you should go check on her
drunk...on the white house tour...security is staring. this will not end well.
we walked in to her beating him with a broom while he was trying to sweep ramen into a box. there were packing peanuts everywhere.
the fog machine set off the whole complexes fire alarm
He managed to tell me he was blind in one eye and convince me to have sex with him in the same conversation. It's love.
Ima go for a jog. and I'm going to jog until I throw up a lung. then I'll crawl home.
I'm sorry for not being sorry about whatever shit I did to you when you were annoying and I was drunk. That is all.
It's official. This guy and I are going gay for each other. We're tasting the fucking rainbow.
6 pack came off in the shower. Sharpie is not forever.
He compared my ass to "a 13 year old track star's ass." Umm WTF? Is that supposed to be a compliment? And when I questioned boy or girl he said "either."
You know you were really drunk last night when you woke up and had someone else's jacket with their car keys and medical marijuana that you wore home from the bar and no sign of your actual jacket.
Just because I also want a blowjob doesn't mean I don't want to just see you too.
Oh my god, my vagina is cursed. He's cursed my vagina so that no one but him can maintain a boner around me. I'm sure of it.
im mourning your vaginas lack of frictional upkeep
Randomize
