he's my edward cullen
I am pretty sure Edward Cullen never had an all-day drinking binge topped off with some blow.
who the fuck tagged pancake nipples on my profile picture?
do you know your status is "goal for vegas: hook up with a girl AND a boy"?
and THATS why i'm not adding my mom on facebook
My little brother got home at 4am too, we drunk ate together. It was a kodak moment.
At least our walk of shames never included a bag of chips and a jar of queso..
There is a guy, stoned out of his mind, only wearing slippers and a bathrobe in the library.
I just want to make mistakes. Like stds that go away with antibiotics mistakes.
while she was riding me, she looked at me and said "this is why mom told me learning how to ride a horse would be important for my future"
Blacked out, Had to be carried out of the bar again by two large black bouncers. Asked them to be my "boo thangz" Again.
Pretty sure the cab driver can even smell the sex coming from between my legs
My nose hurts from that stripper beating me with her tits
If I ever see that bitch it is going down flavor of love style
went back to my college bar last night. Bar tender doesn't remember my name but remembers me as margarita girl...I'm not even mad though
If I walk downstairs and Kelly is fucking in the laundry room again I'm gonna die
Remember how we use to say "this will be the year I'll get my shit together!" And like we stopped doing that because we know that isn't happening anytime soon.
Randomize
