Glad I put on jeans. You could measure my ass sweat with a rain guage.
I just worked out and used handles of vodka as weights. Whoever said alcoholism is detrimental to you health obviously has no fucking idea.
Remember that foreign guy who never talked last night? He just came out of my bathroom when I woke up.
You know, it doesn't really count as a walk of shame if you guys showered together the next morning
the beer staff turned into a beer spear way to quickly
did mom hear me barking???
oooooh yeah. good luck explaining that one
sooo high. sooo many dog friends
Listening to my boss get blown in the next room by a male bartender from the gay bar. And watching pawnstars. Tell me I'm not the best wingman ever.
Do you have any idea how hard it is to hit on your nurse while getting an HIV test.
It was the textbook our-balls-touched-while-engaged-in-a-threesome-with-our-bosses-wife conversation.
It amazes and alarms me I'm not shocked to read that.
have you ever seen all dogs go to heaven this is important
Every time you visit for the weekend I end up having to bleach my entire house after.
We helped him hit the bowl to the point that he didn't even have to move
The cop asked me why my pants were around my knees when he woke me from the sink, i replied "Officer, my underwear is still on, nothing bad happened" then he nodded in acknowledgement and we carried on with the paper work.
did i tell you guys i finally 69’d for the first time last night? just thought the group chat should know.
I was so high last night that at one point I kept licking his neck saying he tasted like soap and truffles.
Randomize
