i'm in his phone as sushi coochie
Because of no shave november, it's no boys december... pay back
Sitting in the library lobby in the middle of exam week. Drunk. Dressed as santas slutty helper. Waiting for the student shuttle service. People are clapping for me as they walk by. Tell me how this isnt college
I am currently eating pure cake frosting...I am not sure how I was ever referred to as a responsible adult.
The question is do I invite my fuck buddy to my graduation party now that my girfriend found out about her?
From russia with love. But also with chlamydia.
I thought he was being really sweet and protective when he pulled me away from the guy i was hooking up with, but turns out he just wanted me to get chicken nuggets with him...
I sobered up and saw I was with the fat one and you had left laughing with the hot one. You're a terrible wingman, but an excellent manipulator
Came so hard my ears popped. This lovely piece of news and pissin in my driveway brought to you by rum
She invited me to Bikini Yoga with her friends. Sounds promising.
My Easter Basket from my parents consisted of one chocolate bunny and a massive amount of condoms and a single note saying "the pope approves of the use of condoms" love mom and dad
So i woke up this morning to find my boss passed out on my living room floor.. Awkward? Haha
Trouble in the neighborhood - turns out my brother's summer lawn care gig also entailed banging three different MILFs and they just all found out about each other
Gotta pay for college somehow...
For the record, if you sneeze while you have a dildo in your vagina and you dont have a good grip on it, that thing can get some distance.
so we have roughly decided that hes the dude all the chicks will bang in college, just so he will do their term papers
Randomize
