Well I'm going to a gay club in my banana suit. You should come. My bro is going as a pirate. I don't know if there's a theme.
Holy fuck. She looks like Vin Diesel's stuntman
So guess who had sex in a Ghostbusters sleeping bag.
i knew i liked her after she chugged tequila, fell down the stairs and said "oh dont worry i knew it'd be faster this way"
I just spewed blue gatorade in the shower. It looked like the ocean.
the outcome of this sandwich determines whether or not i do anything else with my day..
Can we talk about the fact that I plucked weed off your ass this morning like it's a normal thing to do?
Roommate is hosting a 'sorority retreat' at our house. If you need to get laid, stumble on over.
BRING THE BAGELS
After a crazy night, morning sex is just trying to find a position where you can thrust without getting seasick.
In the officer's defense, I was indeed pantless at the time he cuffed me, but there's a perfectly good explanation.
Dude i woke up today by a pile of fried chicken and wearing a bra
.......stop going to frat parties....
My horoscope should say: you're an alcoholic, get help today, Pisces
I blame her lesbian super powers of coercion.
You’re not his type
I’ve got blonde hair and great tits. I’m every man’s type
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