just went to get groceries. a cashier said she saw me last night. i guess i carried a broom back from the party and swept the street the whole walk back...and i claimed to be in the cast of wicked
I just woke up and realized I puked in my boxers WTF.
You stay classy.
The worst part was I forgot until I tried to put them on.
Every time a guy reaches down to touch my vag, i feel really sorry for all the transgender girls who still have a penis there.
That's weird cause every time i feel a girls vag i feel way worse for all the guys who reached down there and got a penis.
is asking a girl out on a date while in another girls bed in poor taste?
she came to the game with a camelback filled with booze. except it was only the bag part so she duct taped to her back
You basically tried to anal probe my passed out friend with a lamp
I've been timing it. He's been showering alone for 33 minutes. 4 minutes ago, he said "truth or dare." haven't heard anything since.
Bro if you don't text me back I'm gonna send you a picture of my nut sack every ten seconds for the rest of the night. I'm home alone with nothing to do. Don't push me.
Oh and an honorable mention for your father's porn collection. Things I'll never forget.
I tried to steal a Mike's Hard sign last night but it didn't work out
why what happened?
Well it was going fine.. until the bouncer noticed the three foot steel lemon sticking out of my jacket.
Well, I wish you luck on finding out who your boyfriend is
He struggled for a second trying to unhook my bra and I said "4/10. Novice."
MY COWORKER IS ATTRACTIVE AND I DROPPED A SONIC THE HEDGEHOG JOKE IN CONVERSATION I FUCKED UP
is it still considered wake n bake if you wake up at 2 pm?
last final went out with a bang.. 20 min late bra-less, cum in my hair and i still cant find my shoes.
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