In all seriousness though I just found out the dog pissed in my bed it'd be nice to crash somewhere other than my couch while my piss soaked bedding is in the washer
i can tell by the sound of your bed that he isnt that good at sex.
And now that i don't feel so bad because you're not pregnant the $15 for the pregnancy test I bought would be appreciated
It's not normal to lose a tooth eating a McDouble.
I was thinking about getting her an edible arrangement for an engagement gift. You want in?
I'm buying her a drink and not telling her to dump his ass. that's my gift.
Do you think kicking my coke habit is a good personal goal to put down on the evaluation form?
I don't know how it happened. All I did was tell her I was impressed by her presentation. Her nail marks on my back ain't going away anytime soon.
Honestly you'd think more guys would be happy to date a cute female dealer, but apparently something about safety or whatever
I'm 99% sure I just flashed my dad with my vagina. So that's the new low now.
we had a full conversation and he only brought up drugs twice. overall I'd call it a success
Operation terrify all men while simultaneously make them fall in love with me is going quite swimmingly so far
Last night I recall my hair going up in flames. This is evident by the burnt hair smell that is following me around this morning
There's wine in the fridge here. You could leave school and we could get day drunk.
That's my favorite drunk.
I feel like everything in my life has been preparing me for my future sex robot experience
You’re so close!!!
She was riding a razor scooter down the street wearing nothing but a feather boa it was beautiful.
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