Btw I've read that book you bought me...And I'm such a bitch now
But I don't think guys love me
dear vagina, thank you for making it so goddamn hard to get pregnant. i love you.
There is a mermaid on oprah and she looks nothin like ariel
Is it weird that I miss finding cum in my bed?
Why do you have Season One of Reba in your underwear drawer?
Why are you in my underwear drawer?
You burnt your salmon and tried to mail it. Post marked to: Starving Kid in Africa
and I'm going to name my autobiography "blow jobs with enthusiasm are the best"
I'm naming my autobiography "Reasons Not to Date Girls From Texas."
If you weren't supposed to have sex with your ex then they wouldn't rhyme.
The car just stinks of weed and we are all sitting here trying to hide it from my mom by rolling down the windows, like it's not coming off my sisters boyfriend
We broke up in downtown Nashville with drunken, blow up penis waving bachelorette parties walking by. For some reason I can see this ending up as a country music video.
what the hell is that chicken wire thing she's holding?
An artistic expression of her stupidity.
Would it be sad if I made a blanket fort to get drunk in till the power came back?
I find nice boys who are in extremely long term relationships with nice girls, wait for them to break up, and sneak in for the rebound fucking.
You are like a terrifying jaguar of sex. Predatory.
I had to ask my mom to look for my kegle ball...
yeah, last night we handcuffed you and you started crying saying that you weren't a bad person
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