fun fact: cucumber in vinegar with pepper = best ever high snack
my professor just told me i smelt like a brewery infront of my whole class b4 my final presentation
quick I need to know all the foods that the very hungry caterpillar ate
i swear i just saw perry the platypus. the fuck dude. i shouldnt even know who that is
not to mention it took an hour of antique roadshow to calm my dick down
You convinced her to break up with her boyfriend, made out with her all night, got her to buy us all shots then went home with a different girl...
That explains the "i hate you" text. But the facebook deletion is a bit harsh
I had a dream about masturbating with toys I can't afford.
My sex life and finances are equally in shambles.
He's only going to be gone for two weeks
That's two months in gay whore years.
I'm currently braless eating the balls of the penis cake and drinking warm champagne. I'm 3 cats away from crazy at this point
Then you bent down and whispered, "excuse me mr. Stair, could you please stop moving?"
I wonder what dick looks like without astigmatism?
Liquor has joined the party. Aly just fucking yelled "I LOVE COOKING" and poured margarita mixer, ice and tequila into the blender.
Was it cause you feel bad for the ridiculousness my vagina goes through because same
We fucked. Had a political debate. I won. So I sat on his face.
Im blaming it on six shots of Jack, loneliness and a chemical imbalance. That's the best I can think of...
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