i'm three days dirty after drinking 14 hours last night and some other questionable behavior (hula hooping at a large concert, for example) i will just always bring the class. and the sluttiness.
that's why i date skinny girls, they don't realize how small it is.
I am sitting on the floor by my oven watching my cookie dough blossom. This is a whole new level of fat
I'm the only kid serving jury duty. And I'm the only one who may walk out of here in handcuffs for a warrant. I'm enabling these people to doubt America's youth once again.
Half of elefante. Gelafin galaxy
I've just never had a dinner guest strut in, go directly to my bathroom, vomit.. then come out demanding whiskey and food.
She drove all the way from Austin to have sex with me. I think it's a safe assumption my dick will have an easy life in college.
I was only out of town for 1 week. His cell records show he texted 63 ex-gfs and hookups while I was gone. And 10 condoms are missing.
His car is rigged up like the cash cab how am i supposed to not sleep with him
What is she getting? Last time we talked her behavior was conducive to getting a tramp stamp on her face.
You motherfucker. I just had an MRI with a penny under my boob.
I'll call it a tollerance break and either will be celebrating my new job with a bowl or will be smoking my sadness away from not getting the job. Either way.
My fridge is empty and all of my food is in the bathtub. Just.. Why?
Started crying to "that's the way it is" by celine. What the fuck uterus?!
I think you're overestimating how drunk I was
You said your pillow felt like the ocean...
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