you know you've been in a long relationship when u start retiring sex toys
I just showed my boobs to our astate representative hahahahahahha
i don't know what the guinness world record is for longest time eating nothing but skittles but i'm going on six days
Shit, I may have left some acid in your bathroom last night. Has he been in there lately.
Their was just 7 people standing outside eating a costco chicken, definitley at the right party
do you know how hard it is to walk a mile drunk on 151 it's hard yards are soft and every girl looks good
We will. we just need a little inspiration.... in smoke form.
You don't put off sexcapades. Life lesson #1.
I don't know man, I have to ask my girlfriend if I can borrow my balls from her purse.
I made friends with the delivery guy because he had beautiful dread locks and was a Zelda fan. He texted me after he left saying he wasn't trying to be creepy but we should be friends. We're hanging out tomorrow.
How does this kind of shit happen to you?!
Seriously dude...who threw up on Michelle? She's been crying for like an hour
Who told you that acid and Jurassic World was a good idea?
dont remember, but I'm pretty sure I was convinced that the hybrid dinosaur was satan the whole time. It was actually very spiritual
No actually you're a pro. You puked on the cab ride, and managed to completely contain it in your purse. the cabbie was even impressed.
If he thinks I'm canceling my orgy to coddle his stupid fucking behavior, he has another thing coming
After we finish having sex, he smokes an honest to God pipe. It's like fucking a big, sexy Sherlock Holmes...
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