we cant have a funnel and a dog. thats a lot of responsibility
I'm glad I have good healthy relationships with my one night stands
I've only been home four days and my parents' cleaning lady already wrote down the number to AA and told me she's praying for me.
Last night after the bar I went home and ate a pulled pork sandwich in a bubble bath
WHY DID I INFORM THE ENTIRE BATHROOM I DONT HAVE AN STD?!?!?!!
No later than 4:00 ok - I'm tying my viagra high into a superbowl halftime showstopper. Ya, you might wanna look away for that
I forgot to ask you how long you're housesitting. By which I mean how many bones can I get in averaging 2.5 bones per day.
20.
You kept chewing on the empty milk carton and saying "kitty" over and over again. It was an interesting night.
He just texted me a video of him jerking off. He must really be looking forward to the Super Bowl.
Although can we find me a starter dick? I don't want security showing up again. That was awkward.
Well I just took a pregnancy test... So how's your thanksgiving?
She just started crying. With my dick still inside her. Something about her grandpa.
It's a lot harder to work after sex than it is to work drunk... just saying.
Is it ok that I asked him half way through sex why he hadn't accepted my friend request yet?
You handed me your heels and said, "barefoot running is all the rage." Then you proceeded to run home.
Randomize
