Just left some random in my bed to go get mcdonalds breakfast. I'd say my priorities are on point.
We had sex after spending two hours in the drunk tank. It was really deep and meaningful
I know you don't remember, but the teeth marks on my face say it happened.
She stopped mid hookup to ask me if we'd be done before Taco Bell closed.
The one thing I know about living in Vegas is the closest I'll ever come to being a father is singing the theme song from Full House to a garbage can while I eat an entire birthday cake.
I thought I could grab a hold of my stream of urine. So she left pretty soon after that.
I want you to get your positive energy all over me. I want to to look like something from Ghostbusters.
He called his dick the "gentle giant"
I know I'm going to throw up tonight it's just a matter of when and where
I asked him to help me break in the space ship aka my bed.
I may or may not have tried to give myself a lobotomy
What did you do with the dog when you went into the club?
coat checked
I did put on a shirt to start the night, right?
I just had 3 numbers I don't know text me and remind me I am to attend AA on monday. Im gonna say it was a good night.
you were making out with a girl because you told her you were part of Nsync
Randomize
