p.s. this guy just tipped me with ecstasy pills. is this real life
Remember when we did the egg drop from the Dyson building? Her vag is like that, except with a ham, and the ham doesn't make it. I'll be back to the apartment in ten.
Changed it back. Somehow I didn't think my profile pic should be me shirtless on ecstasy, ya know?
An attempt at squeezing a tomato to make a bloody mary just says desperation all over it....
I AM HAVING A WEIRD OUT OF BODY EXPERIENCE. IN CAPS LOCK.
who was wearing the fake mustache? I just found one in my cleavage
This drunk girl wants you to know that I do actually like you. I'm not just using you for sex. I think you're cool.
Felt like shit, jerked off, felt ten times better. Being a guy rules. It's like I got all the demons out in 5 minutes.
Abby spilt her vodka all over the train's bathroom floor
WE'RE THE ONES DRESSED UP FOR THE LARGEST DRINKING HOLIDAY IN AMERICA WHO ELSE ON THIS TRAIN IS A SUSPECT FOR THIS SMELL?!
all I'm saying is if you're gonna fuck a fat chick do it in a pool it's like zero gravity or something
how did you graduate high school
He's in the same dorm as me. We are sharing a laundry room, gym, and cafeteria. I'VE ALREADY COMMITTED DORMCEST AND MOVE-IN DAY ISN'T UNTILL NEXT WEEK!!!!
you literally stared at me for three minutes and then said "hey this tequila isn't gonna drink itself, boss"
If I can ever get control of my legs I will be home. Thanks... and again sorry about your bed.
You kept hiding under tables and grabbing people's legs and shouting SHARK ATTACK.
His junk had piercings everywhere. The dick and balls. It was a fucking pirate penis.
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