i just saw a midget buying condoms and graham crackers. i wonder which was the impluse buy.
I just want to make him a cookie cake that says "you have no chance with me."
it was 6 in the morning, and you cried until i put mulan in. then you proceeded to say every word, not to mention sing along... stop drinking.
we usually just have an Easter beer hunt and never end up at church anyways
Hey, did you take me to hospital last night?
Id fuck him but only at his house and he had to stay im bed till i left. He only works upper body. It just creeps me out how tiny his legs are
Because its Monday... And I'm determined to just be drunk for the rest of the semester
Thank god crabs can't live on your head. Thank god.
IDK I WAS CAUGHT UP IN THE TEQUILA SHOTS AND FRIENDSHIP
He said he remembers me...standing on a snowy roof, smoking a blunt, yelling "you're pretty fly for a white guy" at him. Sounds about right.
this new dose of ADD meds is totally being waisted with the unemployed new graduate thing if only I could add my hyper focused side effects to a coverletter
Would it be wrong to text my ex and say "congratulations on the new baby that you had with a stripper"?
Why is it I can't go buy redbull and tylenol pm from a store without getting questions about my health choices?
Just rode a bull topless for a free bar tap for a month
ill drive you to the airport today if we can have sex first
i left yesterday
ill pick you up from the airport on sunday if we can have sex after
Randomize
