someone called me shannon dorrhety annnd it hurt my feelingsd.
i just dont know how to see an unattractive person as more than a friend
when a 14 year old is judging you, you know you've had too much to drink
I hope no one judges me for becoming a facebook fan of "Adderall" at 5:49 AM...
Was that not clear on Friday when I nearly deapthroated two ice cubes?
He looks like he got hit by a weed-eater with chlamydia
Was she always missing a tooth or am I just now noticing it?
Man, I want to make his penis a sandwich.
we superglued breast forms to his chest. those aren't coming off anytime soon.
Drunk packed a lunch. Made two turkey sandwiches and threw in a bag of raw bacon. Gold star for the day drunk self.
Sorry for yelling at you, I'm just really emotional about missing comicon.
She can't even plan ahead to have toilet paper for her next shit
When dealing with embarassing medical issues, don't you want your brother's wife to be the one fishing around up your ass?
I'm taking pictures of my asshole to send to my boss. This is not what I had in mind the day after thanksgiving.
just licked the cheese off a burger. that high.
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