I'm at a bar that has girls so awful looking even you would not have sex with them.
Well... I doubt that.
I think we should go ahead and pin a note to my shirt when we go out that says"do NOT buy me shots"
On the back we can put possible side effects may include: indiscriminate making out, brief crying spells, yelling in jibberish, and sudden sleep.
driving around with you guys listening to the beach boys made me very concious of how white you all are.
I found out during it when he said "my girlfriend never does this" so he's all to blame, I had no idea until half way through.
we found you in the closet, clutching coats that werent yours for stability
they esentially rejected my mermaid threesome offer:(
She was trying to fuck the exchange student from France. His English is really bad and the music was loud so she just pointed to a beer bottle and then her vagina.
I woke up to him using my debit card to order PPV porn and Jimmy Johns. I don't even know his name.
His thanks his mom for not having an abortion at his wedding toast. I love frat weddings.
Woke up in a wet suit with my junk cut out. In a strange apartment. Just found thing biggest bong u have ever seen. WHERE ARE YOU?!?!?!
I am not working on the very first day I can throw up alcohol that I legally bought and drank.
My penis has like 3 people bidding on it
We need to borrow someone's dog. Just so we can non-creepily go to PetSmart and watch all the other dogs take photos with Santa
I just saw a cat, if i ate those mushrooms 15 minutes earlier i wouldn't have made it to the bar
Don’t fucking talk to that dude from monday!! Ethical consumption dude, don’t fuck shitty guys
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