Police were just in my backyard to recover a loaded .38. What the fuck?????
My psychiatrist is "consulting" others. I am high-achieving nuts.
pretty sure i had my hand down BOTH their pants at the same time at some point...
I managed to lose everything but my socks.. which stayed on all 6 times we had sex.
he went to find a bathroom and came back 10 minutes later with a fifth of bacardi, a pack of cigarettes, and two funnel cakes. he is a man among boys.
in case you were wondering, even a BJ under a blanket on the back of a bus only lifts a 14-hour bus ride to borderline tolerable.
Come on down you're the next contestant on "lets go drinking!"
YOU DRINK NOW BECAUSE YOU ARE A STRONG INDEPENDENT WOMAN WHO DOESN'T NEED A DRINKING PARTNER
If there's one thing I learned yesterday, it's that if I really wanted to I could be mayor of Toronto.
I told him I'd ride his broomstick if he let me call him Harry Potter and drew a lightning bolt on his forehead.
And speaking of good acting I may have a sex tape now
I'd like to buy a season pass to your dick please.
I met my future wife last night. She's a bombshell from Delaware, hates Trump, and humiliated two old men in a GOP healthcare debate while simultaneously convincing them to pick up both of our bar tabs.
There is a woman in the stall next to me giving a pep talk to her daughter that wants to call off her wedding. I'm afraid to pee!
Also I've decided to start stealing shot glasses after I do the shots. You in?
Randomize
