my passenger side seat is covered in alcoholic jello with a nude mannequin in it
im not an educated person. i just do things. and it works out in my favor
All I wanna do is sit in water and get drunk. The only thing more American is giving birth to eagles.
New drinking game: take a shot everytime Jay-Z is played during the NFL draft.
I'm single as of 11 minutes ago. I was the chick who drunkenly tried to climb into bed with you 2 weeks ago. Wanna make this happen?
No, he's ok. He just broke his teeth on the stripper pole. No biggie.
What not to say at an interview: i can wrap the shit out of some food.
I'm not worried. All I have to do is not be the drunkest painter at 8:00. Golden.
You can laugh all you want but 99 grapes is a lot stronger than what you were drinking.
This guy kept trying to use "see? I'm clean. Cleared by the plasma place today." as a pick up line. This is not okay.
How is it that I, the only one that didn't drink last night, was the only one puking out the car window?
My nerves will need dicks later so.. I'll call you
I spilled a whole plate of queso and salsa on my bed so I'm just eating it off my sheets with chips. How's your night going?
you know you're drunk when you start breaking down your body composition into organic molecules
And thank god for autocorrect cuz I can't even think in English let alone spell in it right now.
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