he also called and said i only cheated on you 8 times but they were all trannies
and someone in the background yelling "one was fat so that counts as one and a half"
nothing says happy birthday like half a tampon wrapped in someone else's hair on your shoulder.
He looks like Spencer from the game Dreamphone
We owe the rent and you're unemployed...you're in no financial position to flirt with cocaine addiction.
The man at the Honda dealership told me I smell like vodka and probably shouldn't be driving.
You were in the garage half naked counting your ribs and talking about how you had too many
Leaving ole miss girls house to go to the stripper girls house. Why did it take losing my job to start getting laid all the damn time?
We just set the fire alarm off with a fog machine. What's my first instinct? Finish my drink. I think I handled that correctly.
In her drunkenness, she packed a bag with tequila, two shot glasses, salt, a knife, and two pears. She was prepared but too high to distinguish pears from limes.
I have better things to do with my life than be faithful.
I decided I was tough enough to wax my bikini area myself. Long story short, I'll be drunk when you get home
Fuck you asshole. You cost me cheerleader pussy.
The sweaty, naked apartment dance party wasn't complete until I threw the whole jar of glitter on us. It was like the icing.
My throw up tasted like pumpkin, fall is right around the corner.
so like what it comes down to is do I wanna look like a boss ass bitch or do I wanna masturbate.
Randomize
