Why are you such a perv today?
This is a lot to handle
Oh shh
I'm kidding you prude take a joke
Forgive me I'm always horny when I wake up
Bea Arthur died yesterday
You shut your stupid mouth
Betty White is next, I just know it.
Betty White will never die! She's like Dick Clark. Rue McCalahan is next.
I don't know where Tiffany is but I just saw her shoes in the bar lost and found
I'm just planning on experiencing Disney as adult style as it gets. Drinking bloody mary's at dawn and telling all the kids waiting in lines how badly their future sucks and that Santa isn't real.
Driving a mountain pass in the middle of a blizzard with the worst vodka gummybear hangover ever is gods way of telling me to keep the black-outing within a 15 mile radius to my house.
She found my wedding ring, sallowed it and wished me good luck explaining it to my wife before walking out. Now what?
No, we got so into acting out our role play characters we didn't even fuck. still sucess.
She who has the vag holds all the power. He will learn one way or the other.
I'm pleased to know that your mom refers to me as "the ass piliager" now
I wanted to make out with that blonde just so I could deck her boyfriend and make things interesting.
At least that would be something.
cops woke me up on the sidewalk and asked where my shoes are.. fuck if i know, im sleeping on the sidewalk! actually i didnt say that, i just cried until they gave me a ride home.
I was trying to drink every time they said planned parenthood but my body isn't cut out for this.
It's 2016 and I am a strong independent woman who just wants someone not weird to touch my butt, dammit
Only true party girls take their birth control with Smirnoff.
Randomize
