Manager just farted into the intercom. Whole place heard it. A number of people stopped everything and looked at him. Best. Night. Ever.
You act like I was drinking alone...I had the entire Verizon network with me
He came on me while singing crank dat like soulja boy, fuck our sex life has reached a whole new level of low
apparently i found nail polish and started playing a game i made up called "paint a nail, do a shot"
omg. if hes just gonna get mad everytime i have sex with one of his "friends" then it was never gonna work out
I drunk madeout with my mom last night. it's guna be an awkward breakfast.
Nothing like a 3am firealarm to kick a booty call out...
i just had a pap smear and two shots. lets hit the beach.
You rolled around in the grass BEFORE we went in and said it was because "ladies love that eau de earth"
Well we're either getting a bunny or I'm getting you pregnant in about 12 days.
I have seriously seen way too may DIY cut off jean booty shorts and half shirts on fat girls this summer. Fuck you Pinterest.
I miss using glorious as an adjective. I'm gonna start doing that again. And I'm gonna try to get cuntatrosphe in there some more, too.
Maybe you can just make seal noises during sex and we can call it good
So I fucked a guy with his mouth wired shut last night never thought id cross that off my imaginary bucket list
My nipples are YOUNG and they need TWISTING
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