Yup u can hook up with me now and not goto jail
hipster in red sally jessy raphael glasses inside. kick her.
It's only 4 pm and I'm already way past my preferred quota of "could have died" moments
I just want you to know that i just realized your the only friend i dont feel fat around.
Became best friends with the hotdog stand creeper outside the bar. Cried and told him my feet hurt too much to walk home then begged him to hire me.
soo how bad was i last night?
licking sour cream off of the table at pancheros bad.
My uncrustable is thawing in my straightener
I joked that if anyone could fuck a 35 year old woman while wearing head bands and arm sweat bands it's you and look what happens.
Don't smoke out front when you get home there's gasoline involved I'll tell you later
Nothing says happy gameday like waking up in only an ACC Championship shirt in the qb's bed with a different football player
I GOT JUDGED BY A GUY WORKING AT THE LEAST CLASSY STRIP CLUB. Peeing isn't a right, it's a privilege.
No. Dude. I didn't knoe it eas floibg to move. It's slepprru ixuy!
I found them in the bathroom trying to wrap an American flag around Steve's dick. I didn't bother to ask questions.
A girl just managed to steal a whole gallon of ice cream. I'm letting her go because that is impressive.
Visiting my great uncle went well. The highlight of the evening was when he said, "Oh my god. I'm 79 and I'm teaching 18 year old kids how to roll a joint."
Randomize
