Every time we have sex I can't stop thinking about Jesus
Microwave minutes are longer than normal minutes.
note to self... there IS such a thing as having too many birthday shots...
Just snuck alcohol into the hospital for my mom.
dude, I just walked in on your little brother changing clothes...I'm ashamed to say I noticed, but that kid has as MASSIVE cock...
Yeah...we all know. it's the elephant in the room at family gatherings.
that is a frighteningly accurate metaphor for it.
Jim came in did 3 body shots of her she said "I like your tongue" and they left. I swear to god its deja vu he's done it before
She's the one that asked you what my favorite color was & handed you a piece of bacon
You know what? I bet HE would do stormtrooper roleplay with me. I'm in.
When you turn your data bak on you're gonna get a pic of a nipple but it's not mine
You've never felt ridiculous until you've walked through downtown in a Viking costume
You're officially the most high maintenance man I've ever had inside me.
I think I'm emotionally ready to start being a slut again. I'm excited.
So I decided to sleep with him for the first time in months so I can convince him it's his kid instead of the other guy
Best and worst whiskey dick ever. I am hungover and can't move from the hours of sex, he on the other hand has a raw bruised dick. I win.
Hey I didn't mean to come across like I was judging you about your liberal sexual choices. I would like details of your threesome if you need to talk about it!
Randomize