I'm at an open mic night and the next act is called 'the best creed cover band ever.' The guy i recently hooked up with is on bass.
woman puking in liquor store parking lot at 9:30 on a tuesday morning = best commute ever.
I seriously might throw up right now. In class. Sunglasses on. I'm getting too old for this.
Find out what day classes start and I will come down to Richmond that weekend. Any broad who claims to be 18-21 will be promptly ID'd. My job has trained me to spot a fake from a mile away, and I don't need a statutory rape charge.
I think I found out what we're going be for Halloween....Alcohol poisoning victims.
Just found an "inspected with pride" sticker on or around my vagina
I looked up while we were having sex to see him covering my pillow pet's eyes with his free hand. I think I'm in love
No, trust me. Falling down the stairs is a fucking sobering experience.
It's awesome, he has so much more free time now that he's not screwing other girls behind my back
Cry into your wine glass and then drink the tears, it's like the fountain of youth
Ya know what's been the best part of this College Football Season? Not having to hear Brent Musberger say the Honey Badger 77 fucking times.
I'm so confused as to where the sexual euphemisms end and the drinking starts
He just texted me saying "you've got a face that suggests you give really good head". Is this a compliment? Do I say thanks?
I'm going to try and loofah my hangover away.
Update: It didn't work
Honestly, if you don't have a lawsuit pending against you by this time tomorrow, I'll be impressed.
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