You'll be the first to get a "it's herpes simplex 1" cigar.
had to ask my 13 year old sister if she knew any dealers... she did. it's good to be home.
I told him I wanted to have sex to "halleluiah", he suggested the poke-rap.
Seeing a catheter being inserted into a penis severely diminished my sex life
And on top of all this... he just told me to "chill my nips."
At least it earned you a couple drinks. And something tells me you've touched grosser things with less incentive.
Sorry really high. We have no lighter so we're lighting the bowl with rolled up paper towels lit by candle which also lit with a rolled up paper towel that we lit with the stove eye
Jail wasn't bad. Was poppin Xanax the whole way there
Siri just reminded me to pickup Plan B
Just had a guy try to pull the maraca out of my shirt with his teeth... Wtf
You asked me what the point was. Told me your were dying alone and then had me take you and Wendy's where you bought 3 meals and ate them in about 10 minutes saying you didn't care if you got fat...
How do you keep manipulating these men into helping you?
I'm a massage therapist with an oral fixation. It's not nearly as hard as you make it out to be.
Says the girl who left her friends to go have phone sex in the bathroom at Michael's
It's hard picking what to wear when you know the plan is sex. Like can't I just wear my robe let's just simplify this.
Why did I not realize how important my fridge was till I was drunk. It keeps all my food cold its like my own cold box
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