You were screaming at a bartender last night for not referring to you as god.
and apparently I tried to pay for beer with a tampon.
Seriously just heard: "we need some good ass wine. how bout this swa-vig-non blank"
hahahaha. Oh virginia: where the south begins
I'm in the liquor aisle and a 10 yr old boy yells, "My favorite beer is Corona! Daddy remember when you gave me some on our camping trip?"
You're asking the wrong person. I was drunk on nyquil and jager.
this is not real life
it never is. after midnight never counts.
Things I learned last night: 1. Bacardi 151 is a one-way ticket to the toilet, 2. It is possible for a human being to turn into Mount Vesuvius
Did you Fuck minivan and her friend last night?
You'll get a boner for sure
Way ahead of you. Kinda awkward while paying rent but hey
It's like rock paper scissors. Cold showers and smoking beat hangovers.
My fuck buddy is great and all, but it gets weird when she gets in arguments with her BF in the driveway
My mind just played a snippet of me asking to be a Joey and trying to climb into your apron pocket...
oh and apparently my boobs are named "have no fear" and "plenty o'beer"
shut up and let me use my vagina as a weapon of self destruction in peace!
Do you want to talk about dinosaurs?
There's a potato with a bite taken out of it in the kitchen
Randomize
